For years I have felt lost, like something in my life was missing and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Trying endlessly to find myself through jobs, and friends, and anything in between. Every time I thought I knew who I was there was always something in the back of my head telling me that this isn’t what my life should be.
Growing up is never easy, so if anyone ever tells you it is, they’re lying. I went through years of heartbreak. I moved out on my own and struggled paycheck to paycheck. I laughed so hard I almost peed, I cried so hard I almost puked. I struggled through insecurities about my body, my skin, my height, my hair and anything in between. I fought with those I loved, and lost friends who I thought would never walk away. I struggled beyond belief these past two years to truly eliminate all negativity from my life and become who I wanted to be, and to no longer feel that lost feeling that had plagued me for so long.
If anyone knows me, they know my greatest strength (not to toot my own horn) is my humor. Nothing in life gives me more pleasure than making people laugh. Sometimes (more often than not) my jokes are inappropriate,and can be at a bad time. But they always lighten the mood, and the situation to make others happy. I love knowing others are smiling because of me and that I can make something sunny from something dark. My second greatest strength would be my intelligence. I am (toot toot) very smart, and love intellectual conversations and learning about things such as space, history, and anything in between. Sometimes I believe my intelligence is overlooked because of all my immature jokes, and upbeat personality. In my quest to once again discover my intelligence, I found myself.
When I got my first job in the medical field as a Gastroenterologist technician, my life came together. I get to work with some of the most amazing people and Doctors. I work closely with a few woman who I have developed such a strong friendship with that I would give anything for them, and they would give anything for me. For that, I am forever grateful. But it also helped me discover my love for the medical field and desire to be a nurse.
I started my first quarter of school in December and despite never working full time and going to school I actually did great. I finished my first quarter with two A’s, and so much confidence. I found my love for school again, and wanted to work harder and study more to be the best I can be. I know the next few years of my life are going to be hard, and involve a lot of changes with my money, my living situation, and even quitting my job in order to attend nursing school. But nothing makes me more excited than my future, and my career. I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be. On my own, with no help from anyone else. An independence I never thought I’d have, and now I’m happier alone than with anyone else.
I am surrounded by a constant support for friends, family, and coworkers. There is no way I could mention you all, but I hope you know I am FOREVER grateful for all you guys do for me. From good luck before a test, to high fives when I do well, to help with homework. I am so blessed and full of love for each and every one of you. I don’t know what I’d do without support from those I love. I will forever try to repay all of you for the love I’ve felt. It’s nice to know that other people support my dreams and are happy for me that I finally feel like I belong.
I hope to keep up on this blog throughout the years to follow, and I hope anyone struggling to find themselves can see this and find inspiration. You don’t need ANYONE to make yourself happy, and a little bit of hard work goes a long way. Prove everyone wrong, and always kick butt. Also, never forget your worth, and never stop trying to make yourself better than who you were yesterday. You’ll never be younger than you are RIGHT NOW, so do something crazy! Attempt something you’re afraid of! Enroll in school! Kiss that guy! Move to someplace you’ve never been where you know no one! Travel! Save money or spend a lot of money on something you really want! Lifes too short to be scared. I’m learning to face my fears on dream at a time! So come on this journey with me, you won’t regret it, I promise.